Saturday, 16 February 2013

Political debates: a procedural guide for the far left

Since I’ve had a few debates with mad people recently, especially on Twitter, I thought I would save any other members of the SWP, Respect, Stop The War Coalition, etc. the trouble of having to think too hard about individual subjects, and written a simple how-to guide on debating “in the style of”. It’s really easy.

1. Choose subject.

2. Decide on opinion on subject, preferably by asking someone else in your peer group what you should think.

3. Review facts.

4. Manipulate facts to fit opinion, carefully omitting any which might unhelpfully contradict opinion previously decided on in 2.

5. Debate opinion with others, but be careful to limit audience to those who happen to have exactly the same opinion. Warning: ignoring this point may lead to exposure to dangerous contrary facts and, in extreme cases, complete breakdown of groupthink.

6. Wait for “aha!” moment, one key fact that you can use as clinching proof that you are right.

7. Say, “aha!”

8. Reiterate “aha!” as many times as desired ("gotcha!" is also acceptable).

9. Alternate with “I told you so” at intervals, especially when bad things happen. NB Bad thing does not need to be remotely connected to subject chosen in 1.

I hope you all find it useful, and can debate with yourselves happily in future without involving me! I guarantee your opinion will chime exactly with that of all your friends!

Thanks so much.

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